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| Molly Boeder Harris |
Over the last
decade, Molly Boeder Harris has worked in community-based rape crisis centers
as a medical and legal advocate, provided crisis support and prevention
education for students on college campuses and has directed a campus Women’s
Center. During that time, she also became a certified yoga instructor and has
since been teaching yoga at rape crisis centers, yoga studios and social
service agencies. In 2012, Molly founded The
Breathe Network, a non-profit organization that connects survivors of
sexual violence with sliding-scale, trauma-informed, holistic healing arts
practitioners in the United States and Canada. Molly holds a Master’s Degree in
International Studies and a Master’s Certificate in Women’s and Gender Studies.
Most recently, Molly began training in Somatic Experiencing, the trauma-resolution
method developed by Dr. Peter Levine, with the intention of synthesizing her
work as a yoga instructor teaching trauma survivors with this revolutionary and
transformative healing technique.
Here’s her story.
Could
you start by sharing your story, to the extent you are comfortable and deem
relevant to the work you do?
I began
exploring holistic healing modalities and trauma resilience theory in 2003
after being raped and sexual assaulted. It wasn’t the first time I had survived
sexual violence, but for various personal reasons and the specific nature of
the event, it was exponentially more traumatizing to me than past experiences.
The rape created a total split and a sense of irreparable chaos within my
physical body, my brain and my soul. It completely dismantled the view I had on
the world and my sense of who I was in it, and it disrupted nearly every
relationship in my life. At the same time, I started working with the trauma in
a variety of ways, through yoga, holistic psychotherapy, acupuncture, massage
and art therapy and within those sessions, I was uncovering not only my rage,
my shame, my fear, and my grief, but also, tapping into resilience, power,
beauty and a sense of inherent self-worth. I had not known those aspects of
myself prior to the event of my rape, which made me incredibly curious about
the process of addressing healing – and mental disturbance, physical pain, and
psychic unrest in this holistic way, through all the various channels of the
human system. How could it be that during the darkest time of my life I was
beginning to tap into and cultivate a sense of compassion, purpose, love and
faith?
I stayed
with the healing process, treating it like a full-time job where all of my
energy, effort and resources went into the work of healing. I trained as a
volunteer advocate for survivors in 2006, and within a year, I started working
professionally as an Advocate, which I would continue to do for the next 8
years. During this time, I also earned my 200-hour yoga certification and began
teaching yoga to colleagues and volunteers at rape crisis centers to promote
sustainability and self-care. Eventually, I was teaching trauma-informed yoga
classes specifically for survivors of sexual violence. I am now training in
Somatic Experiencing, which for me is one of the most powerful method and
theories of how we can call upon the internal resources we have within to pave
the way towards embodied healing, balance and wholeness. I am synthesizing my
yoga teaching with all that I am learning through my Somatic Experiencing
training and I have already seen this have a profound impact on the survivors I
work with individually. The two approaches are such natural complements!
What
inspired the birth of the Breathe Network? How did it come about?
I worked for many years in the movement to end sexual violence
as an advocate, a first responder to Emergency Rooms, police stations and
eventually, on college campuses with survivors, and I found the work to be
tremendously toxic for me. My system was crashing due to the nature of being
constantly on-call – essentially waiting for the next trauma to happen – and it
took a major toll on my physical, emotional and spiritual health. It became
clear that it was also having a negative impact on my ability to continue
moving further along with my own healing process since due to the depletion I
was experiencing, and the countless stories of rape and horror I was exposed to
daily, many of the symptoms I had worked so hard to heal were returning. I
began to see the ways in which my clients’ stories were mixing with and
catalyzing the intensity of my own.
I was told by every supervisor I had that I was too sensitive to
do this work, and that hurt me deeply – like they were implying something was
wrong with me or that I wasn’t strong enough. I truly believe that it is my sensitivity
that enables me to be compassionate, honest and present in the way I show up
for people whether they are in crisis or they are in my yoga classes. I
realized after a series of difficult work environments that perhaps I was
trying to fit into a system that wasn’t meant for me, and that it might be
worthy to investigate how I would want to do the work. That is when I knew I
would create The Breathe Network.
I laugh sometimes because I think I have created a network where
people’s innate “sensitivity” – the thing that I was told was impeding on my
capacity to be effective in “the movement” – is basically the essential
ingredient in providing quality, safe, trauma-informed care. I also wanted to tell a wider truth
about the non-linear journey of healing after sexual violence, that I wasn’t
reading or hearing about anywhere else. There was a sort of blueprint that was
implied – victim, to survivor to thriver – and it didn’t really speak to the
ebb and flow of healing, the scope of that process that emerges and recedes,
causing disruption and breakthroughs at different points in the trajectory of a
person’s life. I wanted to find a way to make space for all of that. I wanted
to support people in being liberated from abstract notions of a timeline for
healing. I wanted to keep liberating myself from that belief that had been
placed upon me. Ultimately, the combination of my personal experiences utilizing
the healing arts to recover and what I saw through my professional experiences
providing medical or legal advocacy services, inspired me to create The Breathe Network.
It is a place where my passions for anti-violence advocacy, holistic healing
and trauma resilience have all naturally aligned and can grow.
Can
you tell us a little about the work that TBN does?
The Breathe Network’s primary purpose
is to connect survivors of sexual violence with sliding-scale, trauma-informed,
holistic healing arts practitioners. To support that mission, we offer training
for healing arts practitioners and health and wellness providers in
understanding the nuances of sexual violence – what it is, the prevalence of
sexual violence, the many barriers to healing, how it impacts people
physically, mentally and spiritually, etc. We teach techniques and share
recommendations from members of our team about how to make one’s healing arts
practice more trauma-informed, how, when and why to provide referrals, and how
to collaborate with a variety of systems of care as well as how to collaborate
with the strengths and resources of the unique system of the person in front of
you!
We have a very dynamic and thorough
website where survivors can identify healers that are either near them
geographically, or that provide distance healing. We have 75 practitioners
spread across the United States and Canada, and we would like to have a couple
thousand! We have an active blog where we explore some of the more common
themes related to sexual violence – navigating relationships, forgiveness,
trauma and the body, rape myths and stereotypes, facing anniversaries,
vicarious trauma, self-care and more. We also host monthly and bimonthly
educational teleseminars where one of our practitioners will shine a light on
how their modality is uniquely situated to help survivors heal, how it works,
ways they have adapted it to be more trauma-informed. We’ve hosted 14 so far,
including topics such as meditation, color therapy, EMDR, art therapy,
trauma-informed yoga, as well as issue and identity specific topics like trauma’s
impact on the brain and nervous system and how to create culturally sensitive
and culturally affirmative healing spaces. As I mentioned we host a number of
trainings for healing arts practitioners, and also for members of the advocacy
community – legal, medical, social services – exploring and describing how our
work complements and enhances their wok. We really see our work as vital to the
movement, that in fact, if the movement calls itself trauma-informed, it would
be a best practice, a most ethical practice, to intentionally link survivors
with alternative healing to support them physically, emotionally, energetically
and spiritually while navigating these various systems and healing in general.
We know enough about trauma as a culture, let alone as a movement to recognize
that it impacts all aspects of the human person and that it doesn’t heal in a
linear way nor in a matter of weeks or months, or even years.
You
use holistic healing modalities in helping survivors - could you talk a little
bit about holistic healing and what it entails?
Holistic healing
addresses the whole person – their physical health, their emotional health and
at times, their energetic or spiritual wellness. It can be part of traditional
medical intervention, and it can also be complementary to such interventions. A
holistic healing arts practitioner, whether a naturopathic doctor, a yoga
instructor or a chiropractor, will acknowledge and be able to support the
connection between the body and the mind, and for some, the spirit. This is
really important because we can experience an emotionally traumatic event that manifests
in physical pain and discomfort. When we work with a holistic healer, they are
inclined to identify that connection, to validate the person’s unique response
and to find ways to address both the emotional injury and the physical
manifestation of pain. It can also be that a physical accident can lead to
mental distress and so it is important to see that there are all these entry
points in to how we heal. For survivors, it is incredible important to have
choice and a range of options. Some will be comfortable addressing the trauma
by talking about what happened, whereas others may want to focus on the way it
shows up in their body with a movement based practice. Sometimes seemingly
unrelated events or experiences in our life can trigger or stir up past trauma
– and holistic healers understand that well and can validate and normalize a
survivor’s response.
What is really wonderful
about the healing arts is they recognize that working in any one realm can
positively influence and support the others. This way of viewing people
resources a survivor with more tools for how they choose to direct and engage
in their healing. It also doesn’t privilege one channel, say the body, over
another channel of healing, which could be through the mind. Holistic healing
is about returning to balance from the inside out, and it recognizes that the various
imbalances that manifest in the wake of trauma, loss, and toxic stress are
natural and normal reactions to difficult experiences or life circumstances. This
enables us to maintain a sense of compassionate curiosity about ourselves, to
remain fluid and present with our dynamic journey and to cultivate gratitude
for the insights we will discover when the next layer of our wound emerges.
What
have your challenges been, so far? How have you overcome them?
A big challenge is that we are a new and small
organization that is attempting to really innovate and transform the way our
movement, and our society as whole, responds to the trauma of sexual violence.
There are a lot of very large organizations that have such a long tradition of
doing the work and a big presence in the movement – which can make it a bit
harder to be seen and heard. Additionally, people tend to create a hierarchy of
which resources or which needs matter and they try to universally apply their
belief to all survivors, which isn’t ideal. They may look to our work –
holistic healing arts resources – as less important, less urgent, less
necessary. We know that this is contrary to survivors’ experiences and that our
work is vital to giving survivors the tools, options and resources that they can
carry with them throughout the lifelong journey of healing.
No other non-profit organization is doing this work on
this scale which to me is exciting and an opportunity. We are trying to build
the organizational capacity to make holistic healing accessible for survivors
across the United States. So, what is in some ways our biggest challenge –
being innovative, being new, being different, is also our greatest resource. It
is obvious that people are ready for a different way of addressing and
responding to sexual violence. We are actively naming and treating the way
trauma lands in the body and gets stored in tissues, memories, sensation,
behaviors and imagery. We speak openly about the terror of having an out of
body experience during sexual assault and wondering if and how you could ever
fully bring your spirit back inside your shape. We explicitly discuss the
nervous system response to trauma, the physiology of trauma and how it creates
a set of responses that up until now, society has somewhat demonized and
marginalized – when in fact, these responses are brilliant lifesavers and they
are cause for celebration.
We are partnering with holistic healers and trying to
join the trauma resilience movement intentionally with the advocacy movement.
We offer trainings that introduce and train advocates and service providers in
understanding how the healing arts work, how they enhance all the other
conventional systems we offer in the movement, and how they are vital to
comprehensive, trauma-informed care. We are really honest about the fact that healing
after rape can be really difficult, and that for some, it could be a life
endeavor, while at the same time emphasizing that it is worth every ounce of
energy we dedicate to it. The resilience that is borne out of this intense work
to fully face the darkest moments of the soul, can be the nectar that gives you
your life back and this aspect of the movement – survivors healing – is as
essential as any other work we could possibly do. We are also clear that our work
and our role is not just complementary to existing systems and services, but
rather, it is a vital, and formerly missing, component of a sustainable, effective
and transformative movement to end violence.
What
is the Physiology of Resilience?
The physiology of resilience is my way of framing
our innate capacity to survive and to overcome trauma and great loss. We talk
about trauma and its disturbance on us, yet we could focus more on the wisdom
that is born in the healing of trauma. This phrase, the physiology of
resilience, encapsulates what I have discovered through my own journey to
navigate post-traumatic stress symptoms, alongside my study of yoga and Somatic
Experiencing. Many trauma survivors have a very intense experience of how their
nervous system functions, adapts and responds to trauma and its aftermath. It
is an experience that we don’t often get to share about, and then we are alone
with this enormous and unsettling embodied memory. Many of us experience freeze
or fright paralysis during trauma and while it is a brilliant design from
nature to protect us, and an attempt to ensure our survival, there is also a
way in which the confusion surrounding these various primal responses can lead
to a sense of shame. We may berate ourselves, and society will often blame us
for not preventing what was done to us, not doing more to stop it – completely
ignorant of the fact that we cannot override our nervous system’s power once it
begins moving in the direction of trauma response.
For me, instead of judging those survival
responses in a negative way, I think we should highlight and celebrate the
capacity to survive and to overcome tremendous terror and loss that these very
responses enable. I think of freeze as a reservoir that we can tap into when we
get to a place of safety – physical, emotional and or psychic, for future
resilience. That may be within a few weeks, or it might be months or years. There
is intensity stored within us for sure, and it can get lodged in our tissues,
our nervous system, our subconscious – yet, when we work with healers who
understand the nervous system and trauma, we can use the same physiology that
prepared us for death – which is what freeze can feel like – to actually
restore us to full functioning in our life. When I think about resilience, I
think about all the symptoms and challenges we face physically, mentally,
energetically and spiritually as an integral part – not separate from – the
process of our healing, rebuilding and repair. For me, the symptoms and signals
our body sends us – however uncomfortable they may be, are like messages that
together can create a map for us to follow in our work of recovery. If we
embark on identifying all the ways in which the trauma has impacted us, if we
can pay close attention to those symptoms or imbalances we experience, we can
then discover the right “medicine” if you will, that is required to facilitate
our healing.
In
your work so far, has there been a particular milestone / achievement / success
story that you'd like to share?
I feel like there are milestones on a daily basis. When I
hear from a survivor that something on our website helped them feel less alone,
when a nurse practitioner across the country asks me how to bring
trauma-informed principles into their practice, when people show up to study
with our members at a sexual assault training – it all adds up, one by one,
each person approaching trauma healing in their own way, and I think that this
is how we change the world.
I will say though, that for years I wanted to design a
national sexual assault study that would specifically explore the impact and
use of alternative healing methods on survivors’ lives, and this year, that
dream became a reality. This is really key to the growth of our organization,
and also influential on what will be possible in our movement. Up until now,
society and also, traditional funding resources, haven’t fully embraced the
importance or value of holistic healing arts. Some people are still a bit wary
and maybe even skeptical that yoga could offer justice, maybe a kind of
embodied justice, to a survivor, comparable if not more meaningful, than what
they’d find by engaging with the criminal justice system. We are still shy or
uncomfortable with things that we cannot touch, see or feel, so when we talk
about spirit and energy, well, that is still somewhat edgy terrain. However, for
those of us who have grappled with the intensity of this experience – we really
have to start naming it and demystifying it. We have left a lot of the nuance
of trauma out of the conversation around sexual violence.
The results of this research study, that I co-wrote and
implemented with a colleague, will help us to learn which of the healing arts
are most impacting for survivors and why they are helpful, what symptoms they
treat, what barriers might have gotten in the way to accessing them, what their
practitioner did that made them feel safe, what has been most challenging in
healing and so much more. I think it will surprise people when they see the
results of the survey and it will also really inspire people when they see the
responses we have gathered in our in-person interviews. These conversations
with survivors have been the most incredible ones I have had in a long time,
and a reminder that we need to start asking the more difficult and more nuanced
questions of survivors of trauma if we really seek to uncover how to help
people heal. Survivors have such incredible insight to share with us. Their
responses have been powerful, unfiltered and raw. They have voices and
perspectives that haven’t been centered in the movement, and we are privileged
to gather this data and these stories together for the future publication of
our findings. The data doesn’t lie. It points the way clearly towards greater
social, financial, institutional and political investment in treating the wounds
of the body, mind and spirit through the healing arts. I am looking forward to
all that will unfold with this unprecedented project, including an expansion of
trauma-informed, holistic healing resources for survivors.
You
may follow Molly’s work online here:
