Monday, October 30, 2017

Wings

Sunny Angel is the author of a powerful memoir that tells her own story of healing from abuse. Here is an interview with her.

My name is Sunny Angel now, I was called Sunita. My parents came from India my Father was a baby in the partition and settled in England. I was raped between the age of 3-11 by a family friend. I held the victim state of mind for years. At school I was bullied and at home with two brothers I was bullied too. At college aged 17 I had a stalker. He followed me for a year. He stopped me in the town market one day and said ‘I always get what I want and I will get you!’ he threatened to throw acid on my mum’s face and stab my dad and kill my brothers if I didn’t do as he said. I was so scared. I didn’t tell anyone out of fear for my family’s safety. The stalker then started to groom me. He told me my family didn’t care about me. He manipulated me. I was so young, na├»ve and vulnerable, I believed his every word out of fear and control. During his grooming days he made me feel ‘special’ I forgave his violence. I had low self worth. He took me away from my family and home and raped me. He held me captive in a dark locked room with no toilet or daylight. I was his hostage. 

He tortured me relentlessly. I endured so much pain in many months. After escaping the predator I went back to my parents who then forced me to go to India for 3 months. In India I underwent a crazy exorcism and treated like ‘damaged goods’ and blamed and shamed for being ‘dirty’. On my return to England my family had plans to get rid of me by forced arranged marriage and not for healing me or for my recovery. I ended up in court for the crimes the predator had made me commit and left my family to go to a homeless shelter to start a new life. Tension built up and I ended up taking an overdose. Waking up in the hospital realizing that death rejected me too was my turning point. My family got their way and I went through with the forced arranged marriage to stop being a burden. The new family wanted dowry. I suffered further abuse. The mother in law would encourage her son/my husband to rape me and she would stand at the door and watch. 

After a few months the marriage ended due to dowry abuse. I ended up back with parents and working two jobs to pay for the divorce and court costs to win the gold jewelry back which they had kept at the time. Whilst working at the bar at night, I met my next two husbands. Irish Husband Ray and I went around the World and got married in Fiji. Sadly he died at age 32 and I was widowed at 25. I fought hard to be with him. Years later I married James (My daughter’s father.) We divorced in 2010. I am happy single now. I am now a Reiki Master Teacher and Grandmaster. I have accepted my journey and past… and no longer carry the victim state of mind. I am a survivor of many things and use my experiences to empower others. We need to break the silence and stop the cultural conditioning of ‘shame’ by remaining silent on these matters we allow the abusers to walk free. We are not alone, many are suffering and need to be heard.

At first I started writing in 2003 with Ray’s support then when he died in 2004 I stopped writing altogether. It has been my calling for some time. When I found out I had a hole in my heart in 2012– I picked up the pen and decided I didn’t want the story to die with me. Even if I help just one person – my story isn’t wasted. It has been difficult to write about certain scenes – It brought back many nightmares and triggers – I had to go have further hypnotherapy. I have added some humour to lighten the mood and show my character of who I am today. I started by talking to a dictation machine. I have over ten now. Hundreds of hours worth of talking. Getting all the past out felt good...just talking to myself in the night was better therapy than the counsellor! I found it very challenging to put it onto paper. I had the structure already in my head. As it is a true story the map was already there. I had put up a post on my Facebook asking friends if anyone was available to help me write it – and many came forward. I chose my friend Paul King to help me edit.

Today, I work with survivors by helping out with Reiki and Healing and Empowerment talks with The Academy of Hard Knocks at Fight Science in Aldershot, England. They are a youth association who help re-offenders to stop reoffending and lead a better life out of prison. Personally, every day, I stay on top of things by using Reiki (self healing) daily and Mediation and paying kindness forward to three people on a daily basis to put more love in to this world.

If there was one thing I would like survivors to know, it is that they should please seek help. You are not alone. Violence is not love. You deserve better. Life is for living. I believe in you. Empower yourself for a better future. All the love you give to others...give some to yourself.   

Buy a copy of Sunny’s book here. The book is also available for Indians on a special offer here.


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