Sunny Angel is the author of a powerful memoir
that tells her own story of healing from abuse. Here is an interview with her.
My name is Sunny Angel
now, I was called Sunita. My parents came from India my Father was a baby in
the partition and settled in England. I was raped between the age of 3-11
by a family friend. I held the victim state of mind for years. At school I was
bullied and at home with two brothers I was bullied too. At college aged 17 I
had a stalker. He followed me for a year. He stopped me in the town market one
day and said ‘I always get what I want and I will get you!’ he threatened to
throw acid on my mum’s face and stab my dad and kill my brothers if I didn’t do
as he said. I was so scared. I didn’t tell anyone out of fear for my family’s
safety. The stalker then started to groom me. He told me my family didn’t care
about me. He manipulated me. I was so young, naïve and vulnerable, I believed
his every word out of fear and control. During his grooming days he made me
feel ‘special’ I forgave his violence. I had low self worth. He took me away
from my family and home and raped me. He held me captive in a dark locked room
with no toilet or daylight. I was his hostage.
He tortured me relentlessly. I
endured so much pain in many months. After escaping the predator I went back to
my parents who then forced me to go to India for 3 months. In India I underwent
a crazy exorcism and treated like ‘damaged goods’ and blamed and shamed for
being ‘dirty’. On my return to England my family had plans to get rid of me by
forced arranged marriage and not for healing me or for my recovery. I ended up
in court for the crimes the predator had made me commit and left my family to
go to a homeless shelter to start a new life. Tension built up and I ended up
taking an overdose. Waking up in the hospital realizing that death rejected me
too was my turning point. My family got their way and I went through with the
forced arranged marriage to stop being a burden. The new family wanted dowry. I
suffered further abuse. The mother in law would encourage her son/my husband to
rape me and she would stand at the door and watch.
After a few months the
marriage ended due to dowry abuse. I ended up back with parents and working two
jobs to pay for the divorce and court costs to win the gold jewelry back which
they had kept at the time. Whilst working at the bar at night, I met my next
two husbands. Irish Husband Ray and I went around the World and got married in
Fiji. Sadly he died at age 32 and I was widowed at 25. I fought hard to be with
him. Years later I married James (My daughter’s father.) We divorced in 2010. I
am happy single now. I am now a Reiki Master Teacher and Grandmaster. I have
accepted my journey and past… and no longer carry the victim state of mind. I
am a survivor of many things and use my experiences to empower others. We need
to break the silence and stop the cultural conditioning of ‘shame’ by remaining
silent on these matters we allow the abusers to walk free. We are not alone,
many are suffering and need to be heard.
At first I started
writing in 2003 with Ray’s support then when he died in 2004 I stopped writing
altogether. It has been my calling for some time. When I found out I had a hole
in my heart in 2012– I picked up the pen and decided I didn’t want the story to
die with me. Even if I help just one person – my story isn’t wasted. It has
been difficult to write about certain scenes – It brought back many nightmares
and triggers – I had to go have further hypnotherapy. I have added some humour
to lighten the mood and show my character of who I am today. I started by
talking to a dictation machine. I have over ten now. Hundreds of hours worth of
talking. Getting all the past out felt good...just talking to myself in the
night was better therapy than the counsellor! I found it very challenging to
put it onto paper. I had the structure already in my head. As it is a true
story the map was already there. I had put up a post on my Facebook asking
friends if anyone was available to help me write it – and many came forward. I
chose my friend Paul King to help me edit.
Today, I work with
survivors by helping out with Reiki and Healing and Empowerment talks with The
Academy of Hard Knocks at Fight Science in Aldershot, England. They are a youth
association who help re-offenders to stop reoffending and lead a better life
out of prison. Personally, every day, I stay on top of things by using Reiki
(self healing) daily and Mediation and paying kindness forward to three people
on a daily basis to put more love in to this world.
If there was one thing
I would like survivors to know, it is that they should please seek help. You
are not alone. Violence is not love. You deserve better. Life is for living. I
believe in you. Empower yourself for a better future. All the love you give to
others...give some to yourself.